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Of course there are examples of people whose life actually is what they made of it. There are certainly people who could have achieved more in life if they had worked harder, those whose own pessimistic, self pitying way of thinking has led them to never make any attempts at bettering themselves. There are alcoholics and drug addicts and gamblers and spendthrifts and all manner of irresponsible people who have ruined their own lives. There are just plain bad people whose misdeeds gave them a life in a cage or worse. No one would dispute this fact. Of course, succeeding in life does require a lot of hard work, for most of us at least. But do any of these people really need you to pass judgement on them and remind them that they have made a lot of mistakes? You have made a lot of mistakes too, do you need someone who feels they are better than you to point them out?
So while this ridiculous figure of speech does apply to some people, try to say ‘life is what you make of it’ to the guy who worked his whole life at a respectable job in a factory only to lose his livelihood because the company can pay Mexicans half as much money to do the same work and NAFTA makes it cost effective to move the whole operation south of the border. Tell the veteran who worked his body to its limits to excel and advance in his military career, only to lose his legs to a roadside bomb in his first tour of duty that he made his life what it is. Go up to the guy who is paralyzed from the neck down because his horse was spooked by a rat and threw him off onto his head that if he just puts his mind to it, he can do anything he wants. It is certainly true that there other things these people can do, and their lives are far from over. But the status of their lives has nothing to do with what they made of it.
Most of the time I see this supposedly inspirational insight being said, it is being said to people who are lamenting their lives or the lives of others. It is said to people complaining about their dead end jobs, their bad living conditions, their unemployment. Or it is simply posted as a Facebook or Twitter status for the shallow to masquerade as deep and philosophical. It is almost always said by people who are happy with their lives to people who are not. It is a way of telling people, “I don’t feel sorry for you and I’m not going to help you because your problems are your own fault and you deserve everything you get.”
It is said to justify not tipping a waitress when your friend tells you that you should. It is said when minorities talk about the tough life in the ghetto or as an excuse to keep them from sending their kids to white suburban schools. It is said by soulless Conservatives who are paranoid that their precious tax money, that they feel they should not have to pay, might be given to someone who needs it. It is said in countless other situations to disguise hateful and politically incorrect statements.
I realize of course that it may also be said by guidance counselors or well meaning friends. But why not just say something like, “you are a talented kid and you have a better chance of succeeding in what you want to do if you work hard and be a good person,” or “you’re a strong person and I know you can get through this.” There are ways to encourage people without insulting them.
This expression is not inspirational, it is an arrogant statement of superiority and it is insulting and degrading to the people to whom it is said. Please, in the future, keep it to yourself. Thankfully, no one has yet said this to me.
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