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- They think “hanging out with friends and family” is a hobby. They also think that “my family is important to me” is a part of their personality and a trait unique to them. Because you know most people couldn’t care less about their family, most people are all about themselves.
- They think music and movies are interests. Because again it’s unique to them. Isn’t that kind of like saying your interests include breathing and going to the bathroom?
- They are blissfully unaware of the state of the economy and think that unemployment is a lifestyle choice.
- They’re not ashamed to put requirements for your income, education, job status, car
status, and living arrangement on their profile. Even if they have a GED and work as a gas station janitor, you still better have yo shit togetha if you want to get with this fine ass ho. Aint nothin wrong with being a gold digger fool! They broke so you better be able to make up the difference in their lack of income.
- They may be a hairy, 400 pound heffer but they still think guys just want to use them for their body and they ‘aint that kind of girl.’ Sometimes this is the only thing they bother to say about themselves on their profile. What’s interesting is that the hot women rarely find the need to put this disclaimer on their profile. I have a few theories about why this is: 1. the hot women get so many requests for sex all through their lives that they just don’t feel the need to be so theatrical about it, they just ignore the guys and get on with their lives. 2. Guys figure the heffers are desperate and therefore it’s easier to get in their pants and they figure something’s better than nothing so they do actually constantly message the ugly girls asking them to put out. 3. One guy tried to get in Bessie’s pants and she got such an ego boost out of it that now she’s going to milk it for all it’s worth.
- Even if they are a hairy 500 pound gorilla, they’re still too good for you and you better be young and hot.
- They don’t get the concept of pictures: 1. they think we want to see what their ex boyfriend looks like, 2. when they have low self esteem and hate to have their picture taken the solution is to make an idiotic face and look even worse because they think it’s funny to anyone else but their dumb immature friends, 3. they think it’s fun for us to see a picture of them with a group of friends and try to guess which one is her.
- They’re not into the bar scene so they thought they’d give this a try and they think a web profile is a very strange thing to do and they’re embarrassed by it, but sitting in a public place waiting for a half drunk stranger they know nothing about to pick them up is the normal thing that they’re supposed to do.
- They think they need to explain to you what a “big girl” or a BBW is and they think you won’t notice they are a big girl if they don’t point it out to you. They’re afraid you’ll pick them up for the date and go “what the hell in your pictures you look like a Victoria’s Secret model you liar!!!!” and burn rubber getting out of there.
- Just because they’re on a dating site doesn’t mean they actually want to date and you’re a pig for assuming they do. Just because they send you a picture of themselves naked with their legs spread doesn’t mean they’re interested in sex and if you assume that, you’re a pervert and you’re just using them for sex.
- You better have good looks, money, or a big dick. You don’t have to have all three but you have to have one. And if you have one or more, you can do whatever you want to them and it’s all good. You can beat the shit out of them, call them names, do whatever you want. BUT, when you break up, your dick magically becomes small and they tell everyone about how small it is. The reason they stayed with him all that time if it’s so small is because ‘shut up asshole’ and because you have a small dick too. Actually I learned this in life, not the dating sites.
- They have a kid or five kids. You know this because the kids are in their pictures and they’ve answered yes to the profile question ‘do you have kids.’ But they don’t think you get what that means. They have to explain to you that their kids are important to them and will always come first. And here I thought they were going to put their kids up for adoption for me. She’s gotta keep her kids?! What a bitch.
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*Gasp* You pig!
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